It's Always Darkest During the Dawn
by tofurkinator
Summary: As far as Dawn Strider knows, Dawn's brother is the best one on the earth. The only problem is that their neighbors don't seem to think so. **NOT GENDERBEND, PLEASE DO NOT REFER TO AS SUCH!**
1. Chapter 1

Your name is Dawn Strider and you know you should be able to dodge the attacks thrown at you, at least in theory, but you can't and all you want to do is go inside and have a bowl of mac and cheese (if bro remembered to go to the grocery store this week) and maybe curl up on the couch for a nap. But no, instead you're outside in the freezing cold (it seems to bite into your skin) on the roof and your arms are a mess of cuts and bruises and it hurts, it hurts more than anything's ever hurt before and you collapse onto the rough red brick and flit in and out of consciousness and then your brother picks you up and carries you inside and suddenly you're sitting on the linoleum of the kitchen and it's cool to the touch but pleasantly cool, not like the wind outside, and he's bandaging you up with a straight face but you barely register it and the antiseptic _hurts_ , it hurts like hell, so you scream, and he tells you _For god's sake, shut up, do you want the neighbors to hear?_ , but you don't care if they hear or not, because right now it's your third birthday and all you want is to lie down and fall asleep. Later on, he gives you a cupcake and you forget all about the events of the morning.

Your name is Dawn Strider and it's the next day. As usual, you're home alone, so you drag yourself out of bed and mumble a sleepy hello to Cal. who's standing there like always. Bro says he's watching over you to protect you but honestly these days you're not so sure, there's something inside that puppet's eyes that hint of evil. But you're three years old and you don't even know how to put that into words yet so you wave hi to Cal and go into the kitchen to make yourself breakfast. You open the fridge, expecting there to be some cereal or at least something that's less than a month past the expiry date, but instead there's a rush of silver metal and suddenly you're covered in swords, and these are sharp and they hurt, and you're pretty sure your attempts to protect your head and body have opened up some of the cuts from yesterday, and now you're bleeding on the same linoleum you were getting your wounds patched up on the day before, and _oh god oh god oh god he's going to be so mad at me_ , and you want to scream so badly but you don't want to get in trouble, so instead you bite the bullet and you stumble into the bathroom and you don't know what's what because you can't really read small type all that well, so you take what you hope is rubbing alcohol and you slather it on your wounds and it stings like a million wasps but you know that if he finds out you hurt yourself like the stupid kid you are he'll hurt you _worse_ , so you stick it out and bandage yourself up and turn on the tv.

The rest of the day passes by as usual.

He gets home at around two in the morning. He reeks of alcohol and sweat and he says he's taking you dancing. You don't know what he means but at least he isn't in one of his bad moods so you smile and he kisses you on the forehead and picks you up and twirls you around and you giggle and laugh in glee...until he notices the swords littering the kitchen floor. He puts you down and his face flashes dark for a moment, but a miracle occurs: he turns back to you and says that he'll clean them up later, but don't you think it's time for you to get to bed? Grateful that he's still in at least a moderate mood, you agree wholeheartedly and let him shepherd you to your bedroom, where he tucks you in, sets up Cal by the window (you say goodnight to him too, don't want to leave him out), and steps out, turning the lights off with him. Cal's eye gleams in the darkness, so you wave to it and, being absolutely exhausted, you fall asleep.

You dream of monsters and magic and strange metal machines and gears clicking and clacking and turning ever-so-slowly over a pit of boiling red...Is that jell-o? Whatever it is, it burns you when you try to touch it. You twist and turn and wake up panting and in a cold sweat more than once. Each time, you think you can see something moving but it's just out of reach and in any case, you're too exhausted to wonder what it is or try any harder to reach it than flinging a hand out to your side halfheartedly and tumbling back into your dreams.

Li'l Cal's eye still shines, but now there's a bright red light under it. You don't notice, though. You never do.


	2. Chapter 2

Your name is Dawn Strider, and it's your first day of school. Your brother went out and got you a brand new dress-no more icky old shirts of his tied around the waist with a cord or one of his old belts to keep it hiked up so you don't trip and fall. Of course, you'd much rather wear pants, but your brother says you've got to look like what you are-that being his perfect little princess. He hasn't even made you do training for almost a week so that your wounds have time to heal. (You've still got to wear a long sleeve dress, though, there are scars that you aren't allowed to let anyone see.) That's a huge privilege in and of itself so you're on cloud nine as you walk down the block to your preschool hand in hand. He drops you off at the door but before you walk into the room, you're met with one more surprise. Your brother reaches into his pocket, takes something out, and kneels down to meet gaze. You tap his hand and look up at him with a question in your eyes and he responds by opening up his hand and fitting a smaller pair of his own sunglasses on your face. You hug him and grin and rush inside the classroom.

When you get inside you're met by a sweetly smiling teacher who takes your hand and introduces herself as Ms. Rosa and compliments you on your flowery dress and guides you to your seat. It's next to a kid who's currently mauling a bright red crayon by shoving it repeatedly onto a piece of printer paper, making waxy flecks all over the page. You ask him what he's drawing and without even turning to you he says "It's a war. See? That guy's getting deaded." He gestures to a black scribble on the bottom corner of the paper and if you crane your head you can kind of see that it's a person? Maybe? If you squint? Well, whatever it is, they're definitely bleeding a lot. You think. Or it might be ketchup. You turn away to where the teacher is pointing to a pointy shape on the whiteboard. "Ayyy," she says. "Ay. Apple. Ah." You know what an A is, so you go to the corner with all the books and settle down with one that has a giant skeleton on the cover. It's pretty interesting, you think, as you look at the pictures of what the book says are giant lizards that lived a long time ago. You think it's kind of outdated because the t-rex is colored bright purple and it spells color with a U but it's better than reading about ladies getting naked in the magazines your brother leaves lying around the house. Another kid shoves you out of the way and you crash to the floor, too shocked to do anything about it. But then your instincts kick in and you shove back, punching and kicking them just the way Bro taught you. He's gonna be proud, you think as you attack them. Really, really proud.

Ms. Rosa isn't proud, though, as she herds the both of you down the hallway, chastising you all the while. "Dawn, I expect better of you," she says. "You're much more civilized than that, I'm sure." She turns to the girl. "And you, missy, are already on thin ice! After attacking Equius last week I'd think you should know better." You cringe a little as she pushes you into the waiting room, gives you both the death eye (grown-up language forwatch out, you little stinkers, I've had it up to here with your antics and I am thiiiis close to losing it) and goes into a room adjacent to where you're sitting to call your parents.

Aradia gets taken home early, picked up by a tall woman who's smoking a cigarette and talking to her in rapid-fire Japanese as she apologizes in broken English to Ms. Rosa. She reluctantly takes her hand, waves bye to you, and says that she'll bring in one of her own books about dinosaurs tomorrow if you want to see it.  
You think you've just made your first friend.

* * *

Bro picks you up after school, and by that time you've been waiting in the lobby for nearly three hours. The first thing he does is slap you across the face-and hard. Your eyes well up with tears but you know you deserve it. It's your fault you read the book Aradia wanted to read, after all, and instead of fighting back you should have just laid there and taken it like a man. Like a girl. Like the wimp you are. He apologizes profusely to Ms. Rosa, who keeps looking from him back to you with a bewildered-or is that worried?-expression on her face. He pulls you out the door and back to the apartment. You aren't crying, even though you're right on the verge-if you did, you'd surely get in trouble, and it would make your punishment so many times worse.

You can't even bring yourself to look in his eyes as he talks to you, even though your cheek stings like hell and he's using his serious voice, the one that makes you think about the horror movies you watch late at night when he hasn't come home yet and you told him you'd wait up for him. "Dawn," he says. "Dawn, I need you to listen to me. That wasn't okay. You can't-You can't just go around beating people up." Somewhere deep inside your brain registers that he's being hypocritical, that that's exactly what he does to you, but you don't even know that word yet, how could you? You're only five and you're terrified and you have no idea what to do.

Luckily, you aren't punished that badly-you're not allowed dinner for that night or breakfast the next morning, and you've got to stay in your room the entire time, but they've run much harder in the past, and you haven't acquired any new injuries, so for that at least you're thankful. You can hear him pacing up and down the hallway leading to your room, stopping every few seconds to check something, and you breathe a sigh of relief when you hear his door unlatch and him step inside. You know that he's going to mess around with his puppets for at least a half hour or more so there should be enough time to run out and get something to eat. You're halfway down the hall when you're ambushed and you barely have enough time to scream before your brother's fist connects with your arm and you're sent sprawling to the floor. He sneers at you and you coil in on yourself in a desperate attempt at protecting your face and body. He says you're a stupid little girl and of course you'd try to go out to get food, only an idiot would try to get food after they've been told not to, and you're just a little idiot aren't you? You gasp through tears and finally agree, saying yes, yes I'm an idiot, and he drags you back to your bedroom and locks the door and you're left sobbing in a corner and watching bruises form on your arms like so many yellowbrown tattoos.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day at school you're talking with Aradia about the benefits of having a pet brontosaur vs a pachycephalosaurus when Ms. Rosa pulls you aside and asks you about the bruises on your arms. You immediately apologize, saying you're really sorry for not remembering to wear a long sleeve dress, and Ms. Rosa hugs you, but that makes you confused, so you push away, and she just looks at you with her sad face on. She sighs and says she needs to make a phone call and would you come with her to the office? You hesitate for a moment and then you nod quickly and decisively because it's better than being reprimanded out in the classroom where everyone can see. You say goodbye to Aradia and that you'll be back later to finish the debate and she gives you a quick hug and says good luck because she's been to the office many times before, usually for teaming up with Sollux on the playground to fight somebody who dared badmouth her, and she knows how bad it can be.

As Ms. Rosa leads you down the hall you wonder what you've done to deserve this. You haven't hurt anybody, and you haven't yelled at anybody recently either. You're fully clothed, and you're wearing your shoes and dress just like everyone tells you a good little girl should. (You've learned from experience that no matter how enjoyable it may be to you, running around like a little hooligan in only underpants and socks is not a socially acceptable behavior for a young lady like you to be participating in.) You rub your arms because the air conditioner is on high and it's cold in the hallway and it hurts because you're grazing over still-fresh bruises so you flinch and settle for clasping your hands underneath your arms to warm them up. Ms. Rosa notices you shivering so when you get to the office she offers you her pink cardigan and tells you that it's all going to be okay. You nod and say you sure hope it will be and she says that you're not in trouble, which puzzles you, because you're in the office, aren't you? And doesn't that mean you're in trouble? But your teacher just smiles and shakes her head and disappears around the corner to make the phone call she brought you in for.

It's been ten minutes and she's still not off the phone and you're bored to death so you heave yourself off the bench where you're sitting and wander over to the principal's office to poke around. There's a tie dye stuffed bear on his desk and a coffee cup full of unsharpened pencils with little designs on them that you're meant to take when it's your birthday. It's already been Kanaya's birthday and she came back from the office with a pen with little smiley cartoon frogs on it and pretended to shoot lasers out of its tip until she accidentally cut Eridan with it and had it taken away. Your birthday isn't until a few months from now but you take one anyway because it has little cassette tapes on it and you have an old cassette player in your room that you listen to songs on sometimes and besides the background is red and that's your favorite color even though it's also the color of blood, and that's your second-least-favorite liquid ever, coming up behind cotton candy and bubblegum cough medicine which in your opinion shouldn't be allowed to exist.

You're playing with your new pencil and twirling it around on the desk when Ms. Rosa bustles into the room and tells you that tomorrow afternoon you're going to have a special pull-out time with a special guest in a special room and it's very, very important that you tell her the truth about everything that happens to you at home. You're not sure why this is going to happen but you know it's important to be truthful to adults (Bro taught you that after you lied to him when you stole a cookie from the cabinet during one of your punishments) so you agree and it's nearly time for school to end and Ms. Rosa gives you a hug and tells you that if you ever need anything or want to talk about something you can come to her and you say you will and she gives you to Bro who for once is on time picking you up from pre-k and wishes you goodbye and good luck. You turn back and notice her shivering and you realize that she forgot her cardigan with you, but by that time, you're too far away to run back and give it to her.


End file.
